ISSUES REGARDING CHILDREN

Custody of Children and Visitation

If the custody of your child(ren) is not in issue, only the issue of visitation needs to be addressed. If you anticipate that child visitation may become a problem, I recommend that visitation be set for specific times, that is, taking place on specific days and during specific hours. On the other hand, if you anticipate you and your spouse can work out the problem of visitation, I suggest that your agreement merely provide that visitation should be "reasonable". Such a provision is desirable because it is not rigid.

If you and your spouse cannot agree as to who will have custody of the child(ren), then the custody proceedings are contested and will be decided by the judge. In making a custody determination, the court focuses on the best interest of the child(ren). Since the court does not have a crystal ball to aid it in determining which parent will make the better custodian, the court generally makes its custody decision on the basis of which parent, in fact, has been the primary caretaker of the child and who has been more emotionally supportive of the child.

Child custody proceedings are extremely expensive. In fact, most couples simply cannot afford contested litigation. For this reason, if there is a potential child custody dispute, I generally recommend that the problem be resolved by a trained professional mediator. Some counties in Illinois in which we practice actually require that the parties go to a court appointed mediator before they can proceed to have the matter resolved in a judicial hearing or trial. This office has had very good luck in resolving custody disputes through mediation. The resolution of custody and visitation disputes by mediation is also substantially cheaper than a contested trial.

Child Support

The law provides that the amount of child support shall be determined by the needs of the children and the ability of the non-custodial parent to pay support. In the usual case, however, if the non-custodial parent were to pay a sufficient amount to actually meet all of the needs of the children, there would be no money left for the noncustodial parent to meet his/her own needs. For this reason, the courts usually try to reach a compromise figure intended to meet the needs of the children, but also leaving the noncustodial parent sufficient funds to meet his/her own needs. The law currently achieves this goal by prescribing a minimum amount of child support per child based upon percentage of income guidelines.

Medical/Hospital Expenses and Life Insurance

The court, in addition to imposing an obligation for child support, normally imposes an obligation on both parents to meet the medical, hospital, and dental expenses of the children. The best way to meet this obligation is through health insurance. In most divorce cases, the noncustodial parent carries health insurance for the benefit of the children. All expenses not covered by the insurance are usually shared in some manner by both parents.

Because the noncustodial parent has an obligation for child support, ideally that parent should have sufficient insurance on his or her life, so that if he or she dies while still obligated for child support, this obligation is met through life insurance coverage.

College Education of Children

Generally, child support is paid only during the period that the child(ren) are minors. A child no longer is a minor upon the child's eighteenth birthday. The law provides, however, that divorced parents may have a continuing financial obligation for the college education of their nonminor children. This, of course, presumes that the child has the desire and intellectual ability to receive a college education.

The costs of a post-high school education vary greatly. The costs for a student for one year at a community college may be only several hundred dollars, but the cost for one year at a private school may be in five figures. The yardstick for measuring your obligation to pay your child's college expenses is the type of school that you would have chosen to send your child to if you had not become divorced, but also considering your ability to pay following the divorce. Next, if your financial circumstances were such that if there had not been a divorce the non-custodial parent would have paid the entire educational costs for the child, that should be his obligation after the parents divorce. If college education would have required a financial contribution by both parents, that should be their obligation after a divorce.

If you and your spouse do not come to an agreement on the subject of college education at this time, not a great deal is lost. You may come to an agreement before a child enters college or either parent may petition the court, and the court will determine each parent's obligation to pay for a child's college education expenses.

Income Tax Consequences

Currently, in your last joint tax returns, you have been claiming your children as dependent exemptions for tax purposes. However, after the divorce, you and your spouse will be filing separate tax returns. Therefore, you both should come to an agreement as to who will claim the children as exemptions. Under the Internal Revenue Code, the custodian of the children is entitled to take them as dependent exemptions, unless the custodian agrees that the noncustodial parent may take the children as exemptions and agrees to sign an Internal Revenue form so stating.

Child support is not taxable to the recipient, and it is not an income tax deduction for the parent making the payments. Maintenance (alimony), on the other hand, is taxable to the recipient, and all of the maintenance payments may be deducted by the payor. While the above is a correct general statement of income tax law, the Internal Revenue Code has complex provisions relating to the taxability and deductibility of maintenance, and therefore we will give you specific advice if and when necessary.

Tips for Divorcing Parents with Minor Children

Divorce is never easy on children, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:
  1. Never disparage your spouse in front of your children.
    Because children know they are "part mom" and "part dad", the criticism can batter the child's self esteem. Children do not necessarily want to hear that their mom or dad is a bad person.

  2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your spouse.
    The less the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better it is for your children.

  3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault.
    Many children assume that they are to blame for their parents' hostility.

  4. Encourage your children to see your spouse frequently.
    Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation as long as your spouse does not pose a danger to your children.

  5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children's interests - not yours - are paramount, and act accordingly.
    Lavish them with love at each opportunity.

  6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them.
    Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.

  7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away.
    Impairments inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.

  8. If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support.
    The loss of income facing many children of divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.

  9. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children.
    It feeds into the child's sense of abandonment and further erodes his or her stability.

  10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children.
    Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parent's divorce.

© 2007 Joseph M. Lucas & Associates, L.L.C.